[Milton-L] RE: Ok...

Schwartz, Louis lschwart at richmond.edu
Fri Apr 24 10:03:13 EDT 2009


I don't have a big problem with reading short stories or with the idea of playing poetry games on a listserve, and if I don't want to read or play, I can delete.

But, that does take some time and thought in the middle of a very busy day, and as a courtesy to list members with very full inboxes, I do think that we should keep all posts as close to the purpose of this list as possible.

Please, everyone, if it has nothing to do with Milton (or with literary, historical, or other matters related to Milton), carry on the discussion off-line.

For example, a discussion about how to define the term "poetry," seems relevant to me (jokes and all).  Poetry games about the United States, no so much.

Thanks,

Louis

===========================
Louis Schwartz
Associate Professor of English
University of Richmond
Richmond, VA  23173
(804) 289-8315
lschwart at richmond.edu<mailto:lschwart at richmond.edu>



________________________________
From: milton-l-bounces at lists.richmond.edu [mailto:milton-l-bounces at lists.richmond.edu] On Behalf Of jonnyangel
Sent: Friday, April 24, 2009 9:20 AM
To: John Milton Discussion List
Subject: [Milton-L] Ok...

I got pulled over by a cop just before Spring Break because I wasn't wearing a seatbelt (and I passed him). The very next day, I was approaching the same intersection of the highway and put my seatbelt on seconds before a crazy woman in a minivan ate my bumper doing about 60 mph.  So this is for "the man" (and pay attention to the punctuation).

Driving Safely

I got pulled over this afternoon. The cop asked me if I knew why I was being pulled over. "I have no idea", I said. He said, "It's because you're not wearing a seat belt." But we both knew that the real reason he pulled me over was to show me who was really in control. I said, "To be honest I never wear one, so it's not like I forgot or anything. It's not an oversight." "I understand" he said, "And I think it should be a persons right to choose. But if you don't mind me asking, why don't you wear one?" "Well", I said, "What if I need to get something out of my pockets?" "Like what?" he said. I said, "I don't know exactly, but I'm just saying, what if I needed something in my pockets? It's impossible to get into your pockets with a seat belt on." He gave me a puzzled look as he took off his hat and scratched his head. "Do you often get things from your pockets while driving?" "No" I said, "I don't think I ever have." "Is there anything important in your pockets that you might need while driving? Like an asthma inhaler?" he asked. "No. Just some change, nasal spray, and gum", I replied.

He put his hat back on and straightened the bill out. "Son" he said sternly,
"There's something about your story that doesn't add up. Step out of the car and empty your pockets on the hood." I opened the door and dug deep into my pockets. "Slowly!" he shouted. I saw his reflection in the side mirror with his gun drawn. My hands shook uncontrollably as I placed 4 sticks of Big Red gum, 2 Quarters, 1 dime, and half a bottle of nasal spray on the hood. "Is that it?" he yelled. "Yes" I said while he continued frisking me. "All right" he said, "Get your stuff and get back in the car."

He took his hat off again and ran his fingers through his thinning hair, and stared down the highway. "I know your type," he said, "You're a control freak." "I don't know what you're talking about", I said. "I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. You told me that you didn't wear your seat belt because you might need to get something out of your pockets while driving." "Yeah" I said, "So what?" "So..." he continued, "There's nothing in your pockets you could ever possibly need while driving, is there? But the idea of not being able to get to your pockets would consume your every thought if you had that seat belt on, wouldn't it?" "Yes", I said. "The only thing you would be able to think about is loose change, nasal spray, and chewing gum, isn't it!" he shouted. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I screamed before breaking into tears. "There, there" he whispered, leaning through the window and holding me in his arms, "Everything's going to be alright." "But how did you know I was a control freak?" I sobbed into his sleeve. "Because I'm a cop" he said, pulling away and putting his hat back on, "And it's my job to know all kinds of things. That's what they pay me for."
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