[Milton-L] Ok...

jonnyangel junkopardner at comcast.net
Fri Apr 24 09:19:44 EDT 2009

I got pulled over by a cop just before Spring Break because I wasn¹t wearing
a seatbelt (and I passed him). The very next day, I was approaching the same
intersection of the highway and put my seatbelt on seconds before a crazy
woman in a minivan ate my bumper doing about 60 mph.  So this is for ³the
man² (and pay attention to the punctuation).

Driving Safely 

I got pulled over this afternoon. The cop asked me if I knew why I was being
pulled over. "I have no idea", I said. He said, "It's because you're not
wearing a seat belt." But we both knew that the real reason he pulled me
over was to show me who was really in control. I said, "To be honest I never
wear one, so it's not like I forgot or anything. It's not an oversight." "I
understand" he said, "And I think it should be a persons right to choose.
But if you don't mind me asking, why don't you wear one?" "Well", I said,
"What if I need to get something out of my pockets?" "Like what?" he said. I
said, "I don't know exactly, but I'm just saying, what if I needed something
in my pockets? It's impossible to get into your pockets with a seat belt
on.² He gave me a puzzled look as he took off his hat and scratched his
head. "Do you often get things from your pockets while driving?" "No" I
said, "I don't think I ever have." "Is there anything important in your
pockets that you might need while driving? Like an asthma inhaler?" he
asked. "No. Just some change, nasal spray, and gum", I replied.
He put his hat back on and straightened the bill out. "Son" he said sternly,
"There's something about your story that doesn't add up. Step out of the car
and empty your pockets on the hood." I opened the door and dug deep into my
pockets. "Slowly!" he shouted. I saw his reflection in the side mirror with
his gun drawn. My hands shook uncontrollably as I placed 4 sticks of Big Red
gum, 2 Quarters, 1 dime, and half a bottle of nasal spray on the hood. "Is
that it?" he yelled. "Yes² I said while he continued frisking me. "All
right" he said, "Get your stuff and get back in the car."
He took his hat off again and ran his fingers through his thinning hair, and
stared down the highway. "I know your type," he said, "You're a control
freak." "I don't know what you're talking about", I said. "I think you know
exactly what I'm talking about. You told me that you didn't wear your seat
belt because you might need to get something out of your pockets while
driving." "Yeah" I said, "So what?" "SoŠ" he continued, "There's nothing in
your pockets you could ever possibly need while driving, is there? But the
idea of not being able to get to your pockets would consume your every
thought if you had that seat belt on, wouldn't it?" "Yes", I said. "The only
thing you would be able to think about is loose change, nasal spray, and
chewing gum, isn't it!" he shouted. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I screamed before
breaking into tears. "There, there" he whispered, leaning through the window
and holding me in his arms, "Everything's going to be alright." "But how did
you know I was a control freak?" I sobbed into his sleeve. "Because I'm a
cop" he said, pulling away and putting his hat back on, ³And it's my job to
know all kinds of things. That's what they pay me for."

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