[Milton-L] Funny "Paradise Lost" Parody

merlinjones merlin77_7 at yahoo.com
Tue Nov 16 11:29:51 EST 2004


Those were really funny. Sometimes it is nice to have
a little something amusing in your inbox, it brings a
little light to your day! This time of year, all of
us; students as well as proper literary
scholars...need a little something to brighten our
days a bit. 
Your take with Miss Gwendolyn Brooks was really,
really funny!

> > We cool; we
> > eat fruit; we
> > doom; we
> > die soon.

Grand parody

--- Judith Herz <jherz at vax2.concordia.ca> wrote:

> These are good!, Sherry!  And while we're on the
> subject of other voices,
> Katha Pollitt and A. D. Hope have fine poems (not
> funny) on the subject, to
> say nothing of Empson's "Insomnia."
> Judith Herz
> 
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Sherry Zivley" <szivley at uh.edu>
> To: "John Milton Discussion List"
> <milton-l at lists.richmond.edu>
> Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 7:01 AM
> Subject: Re: [Milton-L] Funny "Paradise Lost" Parody
> 
> 
> > You should have known that eating those William
> Carlos Williams apples
> > would have produced worlds of sins!
> >
> > Paradise Lost--Reauthored
> >
> > If Gertrude Stein had written PL, Satan would have
> been a "Serpent in the
> > grass, alas!"
> >
> > If Dorothy Parker had written PL, it would read,
> >
> > Men always were sapples
> > For girls who eat apples.
> >
> > If Shakespeare had written PL, Eve would have
> succumbed to the temptation
> > of the Serpent Claudius, and Adam would have spent
> the rest of the play
> > trying to decide whether "To eat or not to eat?"
> >
> > If Lord Byron had written PL, Adam would have left
> Eden alone to find love
> > and adventure, while complaining all the while
> that his "Lady
> intellectual"
> > had  caused him to be "hen-pecked to fall."
> >
> > If Bonshu had written PL, Eve would have been cut
> from the story and Adam
> > would have found enlightenment by recognizing that
> Satan was merely "a
> > cormorant with one wing flapping."
> >
> > If Gwendolyn Brooks had written PL, it would read
> >
> > We cool; we
> > eat fruit; we
> > doom; we
> > die soon.
> >
> > If Elizabeth Barrett Browning had written PL, Eve
> would have never fallen.
> > She would have remained  abed all day making lists
> of how many ways she
> > loved Adam.
> >
> > If T. S. Eliot had written PL, Satan would have
> been a snickering footman,
> > Eve would have averted her head, insisting, "That
> is not what I meant at
> > all," and Adam would never have dared to become
> involved with Eve, an
> > apple, a peach, or any other ripe fruit.
> >
> > If William Wordsworth had written PL, the poem,
> "Postlapsilude," would
> have
> > had a lot less action and would have been a whole
> lot longer.
> >
> > If Emily Dickinson had written PL, it would have
> been much shorter and
> > would have rhymed.
> >
> > If Allen Ginsberg had written PL, the garden would
> have been reduced to an
> > imaginary crepe paper flower hanging on a coat
> hanger in a closet, Eve
> > would be irrelevant, Satan would have ruled the
> > academic-military-industrial complex, and Adam
> evaded jail by going to the
> > nuthouse, where he would have  concluded  that
> everything in the fallen
> > world  was "Holy!  Holy!  Holy!"
> >
> > If John Donne had written PL, Death would have
> been just as proud as
> punch.
> >
> > If e. e. cummings had written PL, Satan would have
> been a goat-footed
> > fruit-vendor, the apple would have been
> mud-luscious, and  adamandeve
> would
> > have been off pruningandpraying until
> >
> > they
> >
> > ate
> >
> > and
> >
> > f-
> >
> > f-
> >
> > f-
> >
> > f-
> >
> > fell
> > a- part.
> >
> > If Alexander Pope had written PL, the party would
> have been indoors,
> > everyone would been better dressed, Eve would have
> been a deeply
> > décolletagéd flirt, Adam a fop, and Satan an
> overly-zealous hair
> fetishist.
> >
> >
> > If William Carlos Williams had written PL, Eve
> would have simply pinned up
> > an apology note that read
> >
> > I have eaten
> > the fruit
> > that was in
> > the garden
> >
> > and which
> > you were probably
> > saving
> > for eternity
> >
> > Forgive me
> > It was delicious
> > so sweet
> >         and so tempting
> >
> >
> > If Ezra Pound had written PL, it would read,
> >
> > The apparition of that demon in her dream;
> > Nibbles of a ripe, red orb.
> >
> > If Andrew Marvell had written PL, Adam would have
> been off by the Ganges
> > penning philosophical love poems, Eve, by the
> Humber, would have refused
> > him till the conversion of the Jews, and Satan
> would have been a very
> > well-stuffed little worm indeed.
> >
> > If Franz Kafka had written PL, Eve would have
> imbedded the apple in Adam's
> > shell and left him to rot in the garden.
> >
> > If D. H. Lawrence had written PL, Satan would have
> been a gamekeeper and
> > Eve's fall would have been a whole lot more fun.
> >
> > If Geoffrey Chaucer had written PL, the Prologue
> would have begun
> >
> > Whan London fog no longer rolles too thick in
> > Thanne longen folk to goon out apple pickin'.
> >
> > If Robert Frost had written PL, Eve's  having
> taken the road less traveled
> > would have made all the difference.
> >
> > If Sylvia Plath had written PL, Eve would have
> been unable to distinguish
> > between Satan and Adam, would have faked death
> whenever she was miffed,
> > and, in one of her rages, would have inadvertently
> offed herself.
> >
> > If Walt Whitman had written PL, he would have
> overlaid a complete
> Ptolemaic
> > cosmology with a complete Copernican cosmology,
> added Chaos, then lauded
> > the whole shebang of "contrarieties" as
> "multitudes."
> >
> > If Ernest Hemingway had eaten PL, it would have
> ended with Eve's  saying
> > "Oh, Adam, we could have had such a damned perfect
> eternity together" and
> > Adam's replying "Yes, isn't it pretty to think
> so?"
> >
> > If Walt Disney had filmed PL:  Picture a young
> girl singing "Someday my
> > prince will come."   Now picture a mirror and
> place before it an aging
> > Satan in drag.
> >
> > If Ogden Nash had written PL, it would read,
> >
> > The serpent lives 'neath shedding skins
> > Which partially conceals its sins.
> > I think it clever of the lizard
> > In such a state to fix Eve's gizzard.
> >
> >
> > With deepest apologies,
> > Sherry Zivley
> > English Department
> > University of Houston
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > _______________________________________________
> > Milton-L mailing list
> > Milton-L at lists.richmond.edu
> >
> http://lists.richmond.edu/mailman/listinfo/milton-l
> >
> 
> 
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> 


=====
Haz el bien, y no mires a quién.   
 
Death is a commingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time.

~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ~






		
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